Q: I am caught between telling and not telling him that I had a child when I was just 17 years old.The baby was adopted by a childless couple. My parents advised me not to tell him about it but I am not sure about it. What do you think?
MS: Well, honesty is really the best policy. At least more often than not. In this case, not telling, I feel, is a pure recipe for future contempt and betrayal. Even if he accepts it, he will always be wondering why you didn't tell him from the beginning.
I mean having a child is not something you can ultimately hide forever. It's bound to come out in the open and better he hear it from you than from someone else. You ought to come clean now and if he loves you for what you are now, whatever transpire in the past should not matter. If he doesn't accept it and wants to break up, hurt as you will be, it's better now that when you have a family which will inevitably bear the brunt of your discovered indiscretions.
My advice is to tell him. You parents probably mean well but they are not the ones who have to live with him for the long haul. You are. It's your life and your husband to be.
Missus Singapore out!
How do you tell someone that from the beginning? On the first date "I had a child at 17"? That's why it gets sort of tucked away - it's not right for the first date and then...at a certain point it seems a bit late to say it.
ReplyDeleteI'd think that on hearing it he wouldn't think of it as a big issue for himself, but be concerned about how you felt through that period. I can't think of how it affects him except in terms of how he may feel concerned for your feelings of the time.
It depends on whether you think he's that sort of man or not, I guess.
There is just no way one is going to get away with it because over here, you are bound by law to reveal any previous births. Failure to do so can land you in lots of trouble. Even if you manage to hide it initially, it will come out and better now than later, of course never would be great but don't we all know how things will always crop up!
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