ONE LAST TIME

Well it's almost the end of the year and I don't know about you but I just couldn't wait for 2009 to end soon enough. It's been a telling year with several love one falling really ill and well the economy at large.

It's been quite gloomy - the only saving grace was the fact that I actually fucked a lot more than I did last year! Not sure if sex is indirectly proportional to economic climate. Nah can't be because when the economy was doing well in 2006 and 2007, sex was also pretty high up on frequency. Oh heck, let's just say I'm a horny little slut and everything will make sense.

Missus Singapore will be going through a little upgrade in due course but it will be business as usual as much as possible. I've a few interviews lined up plus lots of other hot stuff.

Lots of new things will definitely be happening and I just hope you'll continue to follow Missus Singapore for more juicy bits of the nasty. In the mean time, have a great New Year and let your hair, pants and skirt down and get off one last time for the new year.

Missus Singapore out!

TUBEROUS COCK

I wonder if this is a freak of nature or purposefully engineered. Still quite a novel idea to have tuberous crops like our favoured potato shaped like a man's dick.

I figure it would provide good de-stressing for frustrated homemakers - especially when cutting it up to be cooked.

I can just imagine her saying as she is slicing it - 'I'll teach you to mess around with me (chop) - you pathetic excuse for a man (chop) - sitting about all day on your lazy butt (chop) - watching ESPN (chop) - having a beer with the guys on our anniversary (chop, chop chop) - moan when you have to take out the garbage (chop) - treating me like your slave (chop) - I'll show you (chop chop).

Two hours latter - 'Honey dinner's ready!'

Missus Singapore out!

ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

This is a itsy column (Ask the bolder woman) I had with Men's Health magazine for two years. I'd like to share them with you.

Q: Is there a right way to send dirty text messages?

Reply: Yet, another excellent use for the trusty mobile! Drumming up those sex hormones. Nothing like receiving an erotic fantasy or a teasing prelude for a change.

Subtle sexual innuendo and tantalising suspense works wonders. Swear words and vulgarities are nasty yet nice at times, but too much and its overkill. If you’re thinking of getting away with a few lines from a cheesy porn flick, don’t. We watch them too. Just remember to always elicit a response or interest will wane along with your chances of getting lucky. A tasty original storyline, saving the ending a few hours or days later will have our engines purring to go.

Missus Singapore out!

SENIOR RUMBLE

I really enjoyed this ad sent in by my one of my readers (didn't say who). Thanks so much whoever you are. This just goes to show that you should never underestimate our seniors!

Missus Singapore out!

CHRISTMAS & CHOCS

Since many of us receive chocolates as Christmas presents, I thought I'd dedicate this post to my favourite indulgence.

I read in a past issue of Woman's Day about the aphrodisiac-inducing components in chocolate. I suppose it's not really surprising since the Aztecs and Mayans had long accepted it as an aphrodisiac - especially for women. They only allowed their women chocolates when it was time to procreate. How sad!

Perhaps we too have always seen chocolate as a sex trigger. Women are suckers for it. Give us chocolate and we get all weak-kneed and lovey-dovey. Invariably, it often leads to sex.

There seems to be two schools of thought - one see it as an aphrodisiac and the other who think chocs are better than sex. For me it is an excellent compliment to sex, provided it is taken in moderation. Let me explain.

1. Chocolate contains trace amounts of trytophan - just enough to help the brain produce that feeling of elation from serotonin production. You get a boost of energy, a high and alertness that some people also get by consuming other caffeine foods and beverages.

2. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine. This is significant since it is the same substance that is present in all of us during high-points of orgasm.

Of course there are other positive attributes of chocolates such as its anti-oxidant properties and source of good cholesterol but let's just focus on its associations with sex.

Now it just makes sense doesn't it, why we get so high after popping in a choc or two. I've experimented on it three times this year and although not particularly pronounced, I noticed it was quicker for me to get aroused. Not much - just about four or five minutes for me to start fidgeting about - you know the usual signs, legs shaking, body shifting, pupils dilating and juices oozing. This during light foreplay.

When it came to actual sex, it was wilder (some might call it passionate) and it did make me want it more for some strange reason. But what was most significant was the orgasm. Definitely a level more intense than normal. And if you don't have sex for a bit and then take chocolates before your next sexual encounter, you will definitely experience a vast difference in your excitement levels! At least for me it did.

I had another three girlfriends test it out too and while one never noticed any noteworthy difference, the other two had rather inconclusive results. I suppose I needed to be there to control the experiment to see that they were doing it right.

Anyway, whatever it does for you, women will always be more open (in more ways than one) whenever chocolates are on their plate. So for you guys, if you know your partner has not had sex in sometime, get her a box of chocs and then, make your move.

Missus Singapore out!

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

Have you given your loved ones a good upper-cut yet? I did first thing this morning! It's been a great Christmas so far and am looking forward to the coming week when I'll have other friends coming over. I've managed to keep to my minimal-meat policy this time around. It's usually a case of bird overkill - turkey, chicken and duck! So this year, other than some lamb chops and ribs, I've not had any other meat so far. Christmas eve dinner was salmon cajun!

I've not had time to post as much as I would have liked to but thanks to scheduling posts, I can just about keep to my daily entries. I want to save them for after this crazy period. I've lots to share. And my hubby LOVED his Christmas present, in case you're wondering. My good friend also loved the new vibrator I got her. She had one which was way past its expiry date. No wonder she looks kinda exhausted these two days.

Missus Singapore out!

TIME FOR A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Remember Bing Crosby's Christmas hit - "I'll be home for Christmas"? Well, here is my own rendition that I put together. It's the alternative version which I though would be fitting for my blog. Let's take it from the top and end below shall we?

Mas...tur...bate this Christ...mas,
No one has to know.
Any place, with little space,
Just do it any...way.

Dil...dos may be han...dy,
But are not too friend...ly.
If too big... and way too noi...sy,
Saint Nick may not approve.

So use your fin...gers gently,
It’s discreet and se...xy.
Two or three, just slip it in
And get your...self on your way.

You can choose to rub it,
Up and down or side...ways.
Mas...tur...bate this Chris...ist...mas.
And give your...self a treat.

Music by Walter Kent (1943); Lyrics by Missus Singapore (2009); Visual by Paul Baines.

Missus Singapore out!

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!

I only ever get goose bumps twice a year. Once at this time and the other at New Year's Eve. It's probably the only two occasions of the year that I find more exciting than sex....

It's been a wild December this year. Too many outings and too little time cleaning up the home. But I did manage to get the spring cleaning done and believe or not, all my Christmas shopping was completed last week! I'm sure there will be someone I would have forgotten but let's just say I am confident I will have it covered. So there will be lots of time for some bedroom romps this holiday, unlike last year when there was a mad rush.

All that's left now is to prepare the chocolate mousse for Christmas Eve dinner at my hubby's dad's place. I've got a present for my other half I'm sure he will enjoy. I'll tell you after he 'opens' it and plays with it once we get home from midnight Christmas mass. In the mean time my dears, have a super Christmas.

Missus Singapore out!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Just like to take a moment to wish all of you a wonderful and blessed Christmas. Keep close to your family and friends. Drink, be merry and let's all do our bit to spread the joy and cheer and do our parts to make the world a better place come 2010. Enough of conflict, it's time to make lots of love and enjoy every moment doing it!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your support over the past three-and-a-half years. It's because of you that I keep doing this. Kisses! Merry Christmas!

Missus Singapore out!

FULFILLING PAGES

I got my hands on this book sometime back and I must say that it really lives up to the reviews it received. Amazing stuff. All the photos are very tasteful and you never get the feel at any stage that you're actually flipping through porn.

In fact, other than breasts which are revealed quite extensively, you hardly if ever, get any glimpse of the privates. There is only one shot I think of the woman getting the guy off with her hands.

I like the many positions suggested especially those with the woman on top and the best part, you don't have to be any sort of gymnast to do it.

I've had the pleasure of going through many books like these but this one I must say, is really easy to understand. My only wish is if they had a video accompaniment for the book. I think every couple should get a copy. It's a great coffee-table book too where you will feel comfortable picking it up and discussing it openly.

In Singapore, I think the Registry of Marriages should issue such a book to every single couple tying the knot. That way they'll know that the road ahead is full of pleasure - as opposed to the same old cliche that 'marriage is tough', 'marriage is filled with challenges', or 'there goes your sex life'.

The New Guide to Sexual Fulfilment is not exactly new. It came out in 1998. So this is a lesson for me not to ignore the older books. Some of the newer ones are sensational no doubt but where glossy professional photos are great, the substance within falls a little short.

Missus Singapore out!

BACKDOOR ONLY

Here's a fine establishment that guarantees satisfaction but only through the backdoor. Elle, thanks for this and just out of curiosity, where did is this diner located? I wonder what the happy hours offer?

Missus Singapore out!

FUSS OVER NOTHING

Just to show you how narrow-minded many of my country folks are, here's a BIG (read: non-story) story which hit the local newspapers which shouldn't have to begin with. It's a story about the reigning Miss Singapore Universe, 24-year old Rachel Kum.

Photos of some private party she attended - her birthday were exposed - where she appeared in some compromising stances - if you believe what some readers wrote in to say.

Some woman (or man) apparently went down on her as the photo was snapped. Here's the bummer - she was fully dressed when it was taken. Yet, such a big deal was made over it. Some called it 'unbecoming' of a beauty queen.

For Pete's sake - it's her birthday party. She is young and spontaneous - what's wrong with that? Weren't we all wild (some of us still are) at some point during our younger days? I'm simply embarrassed by the whole thing actually receiving coverage.

Singaporeans are generally just so uptight about the raunchy while in secret, they can't get enough of it. We want to position ourselves as a unique society and to that regard, I would definitely agree - we are one uniquely hypocritical society alright!

I know every society has their idiosyncrasies and specific nuances and this is ours. We blame our conservativeness, we blame the Internet and we blame the West. It's always the same thing.

We claim to be an open society. But to be an open society - you should expect all types of influences. The measure of maturity comes with how we deal with them. As a society, we are far off the maturity mark. Nudity is seen as porn! Can you believe that? Over here, people even complain about mother's breast-feeding in public!

Often, the government is to blame. But if you take a few steps back, the government is by comparison to its predecessors, far more tolerant to many things. It's the people who have not seemed to open up as fast. Even a young couple kissing in public is seen as 'inappropriate' in many segments of our society.

I'm not suggesting that fucking in a public park on a picnic mat in broad daylight should be condoned but showing a little flesh, tits if you like, ass cheeks too - it's all a matter of expression. Turn away, close your eyes or stick the flagpole of morality up your asses but let's stop imposing moral judgment on others.

Without so much as knowing the background of the photos, no one should judge. If we continue to nurture such judgmental views, we will never break free of this 'rut of righteousness' that we have entrapped ourselves in.

If that was not enough, there was even another story about Rachel going for a boob job. Like that is a Big deal too! Again, sadly in Singapore, it is. So she wants to look better, it's her prerogative. She wants to look sexier, every woman wants to. If you have the means to, its (repeat after me) your prerogative.
If only people here concentrate more on their own personal relationships, enhancing the passion and love for life that we try so hard to suppress here for moral or economic reasons, who knows what we can get ourselves out of. I'm referring of course to our present population replacement levels. We have one of the lowest frequencies of sex in the world. No wonder we are not reproducing enough babies. If sex is enjoyable, we will want it more. If the intimacy levels between married couples rise, they would be more likely to take things to a higher level - like starting a family.

Sex is the hole. Embracing our sexuality is the key. When you have a strong sexual foundation, everything comes easier - communication, resolution of problems, mutual respect, companionship all falls into place. It empowers us to weather most storms that blow up our alley. It's this openness that might just do the trick. Instead we choose to condemn anything with a sexual connotation or implication.

If you are worried about what the children will think - well, that is your job as a parent to bring them up with the right values. Spend time doing that instead of blaming the West, blaming mild photos taken at someone's private parties or blaming the Internet. Every one should be brought up to understand that all of us have our individual rights to do what we want to (have a wild birthday party, juice up our boobs, etc) as long as no crime is committed and one gets hurt. The ones at fault are those who find nothing better to do than pass moral judgments.

Just a side note - if you still think the West is to blame for porn - consider this - the highest number of porn domains on the Internet in fact, originate from Japan - supposedly one of the most conservative societies in the world.

Rachel, if you want to have someone go down on you again, or celebrate your new rack, I'll be the first one you can call!

Do us proud!

Missus Singapore out!

TOO MUCH PAINT

Thanks for the cartoon Jean from Hong Kong. I appreciate it. But I think too much make-up is not the problem - it's more a case of using cheap and low grade make-up.

Lipstick too can be a problem especially when performing oral sex.

In my early days, saving on make-up was a big deal. So it was the norm for many of us younger models to buy make-up at cost. One day, after a show at a club, I met this guy and we went out for a few drinks. Eventually, we went to his place to make out.

At one stage, I went down on him. I had my eyes closed initially. When I opened them, I totally freaked out when his dick appeared like it was bleeding. I thought I had accidentally bit him or something.

After he glanced at my shocked face, he looked at his dick and jumped up, frantically checking if he still had it all there. Fortunately for him, he did. But it was still too embarrassing to get back to where we were. I never saw him again but after that, I swore to invest in better quality lipstick.

Missus Singapore out!

MS BLOG GUEST - COMING UP NEXT!

The call-girl whom I intended to feature by year's end has been pushed back a little since she is not back in Sing-City yet. Since she'll only arrive on the first week of January, I've decided to feature her late next month.

That said, don't fret because coming up next on 'Missus Singapore gets intimate with...' is Cora, a 27-year old social escort who plies her trade in Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong. I met her at a KL club early last year - believe or not in the little ladies' room. Anyway, we do meet occasionally when she has the time, especially for shopping and hi-tea. I think she is just using me because I'm really ruthless at bargaining. LOL!

So look out sometime next week for Cora. I'm still trying to persuade her to let me post some photos of her. I hope I manage to convince her even though she mentioned it might be a sticky issue with the company she works for. Fingers crossed.

Missus Singapore out!

THERE SHE GAGS

Since a few posts on blow jobs several months back, I've received numerous emails from women (thank you all!) on their struggles with giving head. After sorting them out, I realised that they basically fell into three groups.

1. Bad experiences - mostly from gagging.
2. Those who are afraid of getting an 'accidental' mouthful of jizz.
3. Not up to it but 'persuaded' to do so.

Here's the thing about blows. It's like an art form. Some are amateurs getting started, some are bonafide artists in their own right, and some - well the art form just doesn't do anything for them. Of course there are many who love to observe but have second thoughts about delving into it at all. It's a matter of preference and men should not think that a blow-job is their birth-right because it isn't. And neither is it a reward for taking out the trash or remembering their woman's birthday. It's really a woman's prerogative on whether she wants or likes to go down on her man.

These emails that I've sorted out are from those women who have done it before but are hesitant to do it now - and for good reason too. For this post, I'll focus on those who have experienced gagging from an over-zealous guy.

The way I see it, it plays out both ways.

Firstly, the guy shouldn't try to thrust his dick as deep as he can. What do you think you'll achieve? Is there gold at the end of a woman's throat? For many people, all it takes is the slightest of contact at the back of the throat to trigger off gagging sensations.

Don't try to replicate what you see in porn (i.e. banging every orifice in the same way) because your woman is no porn star and secondly, neither are you. You don't know what goes on or how many takes it took to get it at its intended intensity.

Unless you know your woman well enough, holding her head and treating it like an inanimate object is a surefire way to get her to gag. I'm just speculating here but I figure guys who do that want to send the message of how 'big' he is so he can boast to his mates or best bud (a.k.a ego). 'Dude, she gagged on me man!'

As a rule of thumb, as crude as it may sound, 'who owns the hole holds the rule'.

Now on the flip side, women, unless they are tied up or restrained, still have their two hands to 'control' the intensity. The blow job should always be controlled by a woman unless both parties are seasoned with each other. If you want to get into BDSM and all that, well I guess, that sometimes comes with the territory. So, for argument's sake, I'm referring to those women who have their hands free.

My question to you is this. What are you doing with your hands? Do you know the guy well enough? Why tempt gagging fate and let them have free reign on your oral cavity? Even when I first started out, I always had a grip on the tool for safety. I mean isn't that common sense?

But I guess that's just me.

Having said that, if a woman has a gagging history that is preventing her from going down on a man, it takes lots of understanding from the guy to help her overcome her blow-job fears. She may or may not reward you for your patience and understanding but either way, do you really need a blow-job anyway? It's not like you can't cum from a handjob or actual sex. Hell, there are even some women who can get you off with their feet too! If you really need professional help, check out the physician below.

Sex may be a display of raw human instinct but that does not mean mutual respect has to go out the window. Wild or passive - if there's respect - trust me - you'll be in store for the wildest adventure of your life - blow job or not.

Missus Singapore out.

HEADLINE NEWS!

NEW GERMAN SEX DOLLS SET TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

A German inventor claims to have created the world's most sophisticated robot sex doll. The sex androids developed by aircraft mechanic Michael Harriman from Nuremberg have 'hearts' that beat harder during sex.

They also breathe harder and have internal heaters to raise the body temperature - but their feet stay cold "just like in real life", according to Harriman.

He said: "They are almost impossible to distinguish from the real thing, but I am still developing improvements and I will only be happy when what I have is better than the real thing."

The dolls sold under the Andy brand name are on offer for £4,000 each for the basic model, with extra charges for adaptations like extra large breasts.

Underneath the silicon skin, developed for use in medical surgery, is an electronic heart that beats faster during sex. The model can also be made to move by remote control, wiggling her hips under the bedclothes and making other suggestive movements - all at the touch of a button.

Harriman said his design was an improvement on the popular 'real dolls' sold in the USA.

As reported on ANANOVA.

MS: You'd think that the Germans, with all their technical know-how and engineering expertise would be one of the first to send a man to Mars. This explains why they haven't been involved in space travel as much as one would expect. They've been spending all their frigging time and resources on this!

Well if they had good marketing skills, you would think this robot could also cook, iron and do the dishes, or even go to the store. That way, women too would want such a robot - thu s doubling the demand. I didn't think that it would sell but apparently, orders have been running into the thousands!

Stepping back a little, for a guy who spends $250 every fortnight on a hooker, he could actually save after the first year. Considering the good reputation of German-engineered pro ducts, this one could provide enormous savings. So in that sense, it makes economic sense. It's even worse if a guy hooks up with a high-maintenance woman as a girlfriend.It would be more affordable to get one. After all isn't it sex that they want from a woman anyway? I can see this being used in prisons. Those on good behaviour get to have her for the weekend.

Missus Singapore out!

ORAL SEX IN THE CITY

This is such a creative ad that I just had to share it with you. Thanks Jam (that's his real name by the way) from N.Sembilan, Malaysia.

Now that Singapore has legalised blow jobs - oops, I mean oral sex, it's time for more posts to centre on my favourite pastime. I think it was in 2007 or so when they legalised it - how ancient we are here - but I admit it, I've been a serial law breaker for the longest time. Nothing like sucking on something so tasty and delicious. There are so many ways to do it because every guy seems to like it in a different way. There's just so much to lick - I mean learn!

Missus Singapore out!

NUDIST TRYST

I remember several years ago, I was brought to a nudist beach by a Spanish friend. Her husband had taken mine for some deep-sea diving and so we gals were left to our own devices.

It was such a liberating experience. Everyone just went about their own business, well everyone except a bunch of Japanese tourists who sometime later appeared out of nowhere at one end of the beach. They were all frantically snapping away.

Anyway, considering how much Japanese porn there is and has been on the Net, this was surprising. But of course it did make us feel like we were being hawked by the paparazzi - as if we were like some Hollywood stars. But looking back, there might actually be some nude photos of me circulating about somewhere. Who knows?

For most parts of the beach, many signs were erected - prohibiting photography but I remember wondering who was going to enforce it.

Over in Asia, unofficial nudist beaches are scattered here and there - mostly private stretches of beaches. Many however are more topless sunbathing spots than anything else.

I love getting naked by the beach but having said that, the beach is one of my most dreadful places to have sex - especially when there is no mat around! In the water it's not so bad but never on the sand. There is always the likelihood of pesky granules getting into places they were not meant to. Not the kind of added friction a woman looks forward to.

Of course I had to learn it the hard way. I guess we live and learn.

Missus Singapore out!

PS: Thanks James from Queensland for the many cartoons you sent in. When you are coming this way, do let me know!

THE BIG SHIFT

I expected a quiet Saturday evening for the first time in a long time but at the last minute, a girlfriend of mine called to ask if I could meet her for a drink. (I had only the night before gone on a date with the hubby and we kinda got blasted, well at least I did. But it was fun.)

Brenda is a good friend I met during my pageant days years back. We connected and went out several times before she had to uproot the whole family and head to Shanghai, where her husband had been posted. She is in her late 30s and has two young kids and a dog.

They left in 2006 but she returns to Singapore with her kids twice a year to spend time with her parents. Not expected to be back in Singapore until April next year, I was a little surprised that she called me.

So we met at my favourite whisky bar along the quay. I just love a place with lots of bottles all over the place. Sub-consciously I guess, it's just security that your glass will never be empty.

So after the formalities were out of the way, she immediately got down to telling me about her 'situation'.

Married for eight years, I had always thought her marriage was a happy one. According to her, it was until the big shift.

The moment her tone changed, for some strange reason I was almost expecting what was to come.

"I'm having an affair," she said solemnly.

I tried to look surprise. Now this doesn't mean all the married women I know are having one, but when a hitched girlfriend suddenly has 'something important' to tell me, it's usually one of three things:

1. Her husband is having an affair.
2. She is having an affair.
3. She hasn't cum in the longest time.

Then came the bummer - she was having an affair with her husband's colleague - who is in the same management level as him. Now I figured this had the potential to get tricky. But still, I was not totally shocked. I caught my breath and was about to ask her the usual probing questions when more words rolled out of her mouth.

"His colleague is a she!" Brenda clarified.

Okay, this one I wasn't prepared for!

But still, this didn't explain why she was back earlier than expected. She quickly added that this other 'party' had come down with her after Brenda's husband had suggested that Brenda accompany her to 
Singapore to show her around!

So Brenda wanted to get out of the relationship and wanted to know what I could suggest. At that point, answers escaped me. In fact the same hangover I had earlier in the day returned.

My insensitive first response - 'How is the sex?

According to Brenda, it was great initially but her guilt has been showing up lately and messing with her head more and more. You don't say!

They say guys sometimes think with their balls first but I suppose this is one good example that some women are culpable of the same thing - in this case thinking with their pussies! (equivalent would be ovaries - but it doesn't quite have the same impact does it?)

She's really got herself neck-deep in shit!

So my first politically correct suggestion to Brenda - end it and come clean with her husband. Brenda however, was adamant this was not a good time to do so. For now, she needed a strong stop-gap measure to end the relationship once and for all.

So then, my girlfriend-correct suggestion - tell this other party that she is going to have another baby with her husband! Saying you want to break it off might trigger an angry and impulsive response which could get messy for all parties. My logic was if she blamed herself for not being careful enough, it would be easier to be forgiven.

After all, it's not like you can ask the pregnancy to go away. Besides, she will be leaving for home in April next year. With this other party out of the way, it would be easier talk to her husband. If this other party wonders why Brenda isn't showing by that time - she could tell her something went wrong with the pregnancy. At that point, I felt so conniving, so evil and so ready for another whisky.

Anyway, we left it as that but this morning, Brenda called me and told me she put my suggestion to action. Now I didn't think she would do it so soon or even take my suggestion seriously considering I wasn't in exactly the sober frame of mind to be dispensing good advice, but to cut to the chase, it worked!!

This other woman was warm and consoling and even suggested Brenda concentrate on being a mother!

I certainly won't suggest using my suggestions if you are faced with a similar situation. There are always unique fixes to unique problems. However, there need not be such problems in the first place if spouses talk and share with one another. Failure to do so is a sure-fire way to ruining any relationship - marriage or not.

Imagine if they had talked things over, and if her husband and his colleague are open to it. All parties are satisfied. In fact they could discuss business while at it, while you don't need to feel left out at all. Visually - hubby dogging you, and you eating his colleague. See? They are busy and you are busy too. Everyone gains, no one gets cheated, hurt or left out.

Missus Singapore out!

CLONE YOUR FAVOURITE WILLY

Calling all ladies in long-distance relationships! Let me take your woes away with this nippy product I received in my email. It's an alternative to using your plain dildo to get off whilst talking to your man.

If you want to feel your man in you - I mean FEEL the real him in you, this will do the trick. From what I gather, it works by 'casting' your man's dick - shape, veins, head and all!

However, if he tends to be on the small side and it's nothing you don't expect to miss too much, then I suppose this won't do anything for you. Well, maybe you could add a few inches to it and it could do the trick. But it only works if a real dick is used for reference.

So I guess you ought to start asking around your well-endowed male friends to see if you could use them as a point of reference. If, and I mean if, he is really hung, I suppose you better get a hold of extra putty!

Missus Singapore out!

MS BLOG GUEST - ANGELICA, SEXY MOMMA!

This time around, MS talks to 32-year old nutritionist Angelica. Russian by origin and now residing in Asia, she has bravely agreed to share her most intimate photos with us - taken during a very special time in her life!

Photos: Esty Studios by Satch.

MS: Very nice photos. Was this the first time you have ever taken such revealing photos and did you enjoy posing for them?

A: Yes, very much. It was definitely my first experience but what I have realized is that I would want to take more of such pictures – this time without baby in my tummy and when I am back into shape. There is really nothing wrong enjoying your body when you are young and I personally want to keep beautiful memories of my body.

MS: Touching on your pregnancy, how has your body changed?

A: By the time I gave birth on November 13, I had gained 13kg! Besides my belly, my feet became bigger and wider but as you can see, so too did my boobs. In the first three months alone it increased by two cup sizes! I love that part of it and hope it remains that way!

MS: What about your sex life?

A: Sometimes I feel very sexy and sometimes I feel like an elephant. It was like a roller-coaster of emotions. Towards the end though, I was just too tired. Add that to my swollen legs and you will understand why my energy for sex decreased gradually.

But when we did have sex earlier in my pregnancy, it was more passionate. My husband loves my body and it was a different sense of closeness we both felt.

But having said that, we are both really looking forward to having sex again – this time minus the weight of a sack of potatoes in the mix!

MS: One last question Angelica, can you share with us your ideology on looking good and feeling sexy?

A: I feel that within every woman is the power to create, nurture and transform. If a woman is connected to her soul, her body will be beautiful as well. I realized this after a spiritual trip to Nepal for Vipassana meditation a few years ago. Every focused and precise thought has the power to manifest, so it’s important to picture a beautiful body. It is important to love and nurture yourself on every level, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually.

MS: Angelica, thank you for sharing your intimate photos and thoughts with us. I hope you will come back and share your intimate photos with us – minus the sack of potatoes!

A: Thanks so much for having me Missus Singapore.

That's all for now. I hope you enjoyed this and if you have any questions for Angelica, you may post them on the comments or email missussingapore@gmail.com.

Missus Singapore out!

MS BLOG GUEST - COMING UP NEXT!

Angelica is of Russian decent but now resides in Singapore. She is a friend of my hubby. (Very uncanny that all his female friends seem to be such hotties.)

Anyway, we connected on Facebook and I was captivated by a tasteful photo of her at seven months of pregnancy which she posted. She is a nutritionist by profession.

I decided to ask her if she would like to appear as a guest on my blog to share a few of those photos with MS readers and her thoughts on sexuality during her pregnancy. She was game and agreed!

The photos really highlight the beauty of pregnancy. Oh and she recently gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy too. Congratulations Angelica!

So coming up next on ‘Missus Singapore gets intimate with...’ Angelica, a really hot momma! Eat your heart out Demi Moore!

Missus Singapore out!

GO GREEN, USE BODYPAINT

With the ongoing United Nations Conference on Climate Change deliberating on how to cut the amount of Greenhouse gases, let me offer my two cents worth.

Let's think about going naked! Well, not really but just humour me and read on.

I received this series of photos of a model having her body painted over and walking in public to garner public reaction. It's a pretty good job the artist mustered although some parts, I feel, need a little more paintwork.



Let's look at the consequences of such a development going global.

Clothing industries will go broke but imagine all the resources we will be saving from the whole process of sourcing raw materials to production to packaging. Massive.

For the home - this frees up valuable wardrobe space. With the smaller apartments we live in these days, that would help significantly.

For us women - laundry bills go down and no more ironing! You get crease-free clothes all day! Think of all the saving we will make not buying clothes which we use a couple of times before consigning them to the back of the wardrobe! Besides, I'm sure there is some form of eco-friendly body paint out there which is water-resistant and highly affordable.

For guys -  buying clothes for their woman will be so much easier. No more worrying about getting the right size, style or insulting her with the wrong size, colour or design. Just head out to the body paint store and offload a few bottles and presto! I'm sure a guy would rather spend time painting his woman up rather than wait for her to choose something to wear.

As for their own personal situation - body paint would once and for all cast the willy nemesis to history - the pants zipper! A problem however, might arise when a hard-on emerges. I still haven't figured out how to solve that one. 

Sex wise - imagine how easy a quickie would be? In fact even full-blown sex might not arouse much suspicion. You could even mess around on the couch and make it seem like harmless messing around. No need to reach for clothes in the morning after. Just get out of bed, grab your bag and leave. It also makes it harder to trace affairs because there are no knickers or briefs to be left behind! 

Some time ago, there was this body paint show for a photography club. I was called up for an audition. I thought I did pretty well but was turned down after the organisers decided that I was 'not suitable'. I was puzzled at first until one of the women there pulled me aside to tell me that my nipples were too dark and big to cover up convincingly! 'Looks a little vulgar', came her words. Can you imagine that? Nipple discrimination I say! Apparently they wanted women with small and light pink areolas! Areola discrimination!

Anyway, two days before the actual show, they called me up to say that one girl had backed out and they needed a quick replacement. What am I? Chopped liver? No way I would expose my nipples to such discrimination ever again. Besides, I was busy having my nipples comforted by some guy who did appreciate them.

Missus Singapore out! 

PS: Alicia from Canada, thanks for the pictures.

DON'T GET SUCKED OFF!

Now it makes sense why so many men love to tempt faith by standing at the end of the platform. I used to think that it was just the male bravado at work. Now we know!

Thanks Frieda from Cockburn, Perth. Is that really where you stay? And any chance it's a place where women outnumber men?

Missus Singapore out!

VANESSA, SUBMISSIVE SLUT REPLIES

I know it took a while but I hope it was worth the wait. Here are Vanessa's replies to some of your questions. As many of them are repetitive, I've complied her answers to answer several at one go. If you have any other questions for Vanessa, please feel free to send them in. In the mean time, here are her replies.

Q. Can I know how do I get my girlfriend to try this out? Is there a slow way to get the ball rolling without scaring her off?

Vanessa (V): Try talking to her about BDSM and find out how she feels about it. If she is having strong aversions to the whole idea, then I suggest you find out the reason behind it. Very often, it could be due to misconceptions on the lifestyle. I recommend doing some research before hand to know more about BDSM yourself before you can negate any of her misconceptions, if you think it is worth the effort to do so.

Remember, it is NOT about tying up and beating the crap out of someone, but rather, the use of love to control or in this case dominate. BDSM is not a game and its props are not toys. Once you have taken on the role of the master/ submissive slut, it is quite hard to reverse etc. So I hope that you are serious about your decision.

Perhaps, you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband can try reading books (Like I have mentioned - the story of 'O' by Paulin Reage) or videos of BDSM first. Then you can decide if you want to try it out or if the idea is a turn on or not. Never force the idea on anyone though. Just give her/him sometime to get used to the whole concept. Good Luck! And I hope that it turns out well.. ;)

MS: That's all for now. Look out for the her series of questions and answers.

Missus Singapore out!

HEADLINE NEWS!

Sex with Taoist truck driver leaves woman fully satisfied.

The Hong Kong truck driver who persuaded an aspiring model he was a Taoist Mao Shan master, with the power to grant her career success in return for sex, really was able to boost his clients' careers, according to a satisfied customer.

Au Yeung Kwok-fu, 55, is in court on nine counts of "procuring unlawful sexual acts by false pretences" after he had his evil way with the 19-year-old wannabe clotheshorse between April and December 2007. The only reported result of the guru's attentions was an unwanted pregnancy, which the aspiring mannequin subsequently aborted.

Au Yeung's defence, however, has presented a witness to testify that the Taoist trucker did indeed offer a full service - including the exorcism of the spirit of another terminated pregnancy. According to the South China Morning Post, the unnamed woman told the court she consulted Au Yeung in 1998 when she was "troubled by her aborted child" and "kept hearing a voice in her head saying, 'Mum, it is time to go with me'".

After Au Yeung used written talismans to mark the woman's body and burned paper offerings, the voice vanished.

Evidently impressed, the customer returned for help improving her life and career prospects. This involved four further rituals, "two of them sexual", which provoked the desired result. The woman reported: "I had a better career. I got into a big company to be a make-up artist, and got promoted shortly afterwards. At first I entered the company as an intern make-up artist, but I was promoted to formal make-up artist after three months."

The witness, who got married in 2000, concluded: "I had a perfect family, my husband loved me very much. The household income was very steady, at least the money was enough so that I didn't need to work anymore."

The case continues. ®

Reported inThe Register on 2nd December 2009 11:48 GMT.

MS: This was also reported in a local newspaper here which I found quite amusing. Now this may seem weird for lots of people outside Asia but in these parts, many actually believe in such things. But honestly, anyone can claim to do anything but it's really the party that believes this to work is equally culpable.

His defense was he is just a horny and deceptive opportunist. Her defense - stupidity.

I remember when I was a kid, there was this Chinese medium living a few blocks away whom my mum used to warn us about. He would go into a trance and start using his whip to slash the ground around him. Looking back, maybe he was into kink or maybe there were just too many flies around. Anyway, I used to see several women being led into his home - and I don't suppose they were there to play mahjong

The act with someone of 'religious authority' is said to be able to turn your luck around. I wonder who started this to begin with. Probably those of 'religious authority' themselves.

Nothing was ever mentioned about these women's sex lives prior to visiting the medium.

To me, this is clearly a phenomenon of a good lay. I mean if you haven't got any for a long time, you moods are low and everything seems to go against you - so you think. Work is dreadful and only negative thoughts fill you.

If you had a good lay the previous night, you are in high spirits, work is a breeze and you think life is just so perfect, despite you not getting that promotion you wanted or that your boss is a complete ass.

Missus Singapore out!

PORN VS ADULT CONTENT

Quite a number of readers have wrote in to asking the most curious of questions. 'Why do my posts all focus on sex?'

I know 'Duh?' But for the sake of those not in the know, Missus Singapore does focus on all things sexual.

On a daily basis, I write about other totally unrelated topics, copywriting projects, business reports and the likes. So you can see how I need a good escape and I chose to write about what's close to my heart - my sexuality. So this is definitely no indication that I'm all about sex, although it is a big part of my life.

The other question implies my site is a porn site.

If it were, I would be a rich bitch, wouldn't I. LOL!

But, by any stroke of the imagination, this is no porn site even though adult content is widespread across the site. Let's clear the air...

Porn and adult content is certainly not one in the same. Porn is perhaps, if I may, a subset of adult-oriented content, not the other way around. I don't consciously focus on porn but being a subset, inevitably, it is mentioned and blogged about occasionally. I'm not against porn if no child or animal come into the picture and neither am I a fan of all the other sick things that you see nowadays. As long as there is mutual consent, I'm comfortable with it.

But having said that, I am not greater than porn - no one is. It's become an animal on its own - constantly evolving and pushing boundaries. So porn has in itself become so varied that there should be another word to describe the more conventional and vanilla components of porn?

Of course in its vanilla form, porn is not a big deal really - definitely not meant for young audiences or ideal reference for early sex education but nonetheless, for mature adults, it does no harm. I think cars and cigarettes do more harm. Moreover, correct me if I am wrong but has porn ever been a trigger for war? Mankind's failure to rise above differences in creed, race and religion have been more damaging.

Now, as to the kind of adult content on MS - it does revolve around sex - issues of sexuality in relationships and marriage, sexual behaviour, nudity, sex boosts from proper nutrition, intriguing books and delightful aids, health (and fitness) and beauty hooks, porn to some extent as well as other tools and toys to add spice to sex lives. Most things in the adult sexual realm - I'll try to touch on.

My posts are my opinions based on my experiences and that of others I encounter, and hence it should not be in any way be considered the Holy Grail for good sex. Which is why I only prefer a matured, discerning audience to my site - able to read and decide for themselves what works for them and what doesn't.

Porn site? You be the judge.

I personally feel that if people stop worrying about the sexual behaviour of others and focus on embracing and enhancing their own, everyone would be a lot more contented with their lives. It is not the be all and end all of achieving total contentment in life but it sure makes the ride a lot more enjoyable.

So on that note of clarification, its back to blogging once again. And in case you're wondering, Vanessa, from the 'Missus Singapore gets intimate with...' series has graciously sent in her replies for the first batch of readers' queries. I will be posting them up soon. So don't forget to catch that one.

Missus Singapore out!

eBAY YOUR OLD BRAS

Dump them if they are old and no longer give you the fit and support you need. That's the obvious advice when it comes to disposing of your old bars. Strangely, on a yahoo forum, many women seem to face a dilemma of what to do with them.

LOOK INTO MY EYES AND DO AS I SAY

It’s such an interesting concept – hypnosis. I’ve heard its associations with emotional and physical healing, anger management, memory recall, losing the extra pounds and even managing pain during childbirth.

Then there was some crappy B grade movie (the title escapes me) I watched sometime back about some guy who uses it to hypnotise bank tellers and get them to stack his bag with hundred dollar bills. And when his wife discovered the power – what did she do? She hypnotised him so that he would listen to her and get the household chores done. Totally lame! I can’t believe I actually watched the whole movie.

Like many, my meagre understanding of it has meant that I swayed more to the side of scepticism than belief.

But imagine if hypnosis could actually help make your wildest erotic dreams come true. Now if that is something that’s possible, even if remotely so, I’d definitely want to give it a second look. And I’m sure many of you would feel the same way too.

Of course you don’t just go out buying a book (if you can find one) and presto – you enslave your partner to do what you’ve always wanted him/her to do but never thought he/she would – such as do the funky chicken on your teak coffee table dressed in a camisole. Unfortunately, lots of the hypnosis literature centres on self-hypnosis and finding ways to relieve stress and other emotional challenges.

Still, there is apparently a very niche form of hypnosis that addresses the needs of the kinky out there. It’s called Erotic Hypnosis - such a nice sound to it. But then again, anything with the word ‘erotic’ added to it always sounds interesting. Erotic Thoughts, Erotic Dance, Erotic Foods, Erotic Moves...you get the picture.

Erotic hypnosis claims you can get your partner to do anything you program him/her to do – become your exclusive sex slave, personal slut/stud, Gothic-, rubber- or PVC-donned dominatrix, perform a striptease or lap dance or even be addicted to dick or pussy. It’s an Entrance to Wonderland, one site calls it.

Indeed, but I suppose for me, you really don’t need to hypnotise me to do that – my trigger is not a swinging pocket-watch but a gentle request. But I can see how this could prove extremely useful for those whose partners struggle with unleashing the sexual animal within.

I feel that there is a sexual animal in all of us just waiting to be released but somehow inhibitions fed by societal taboos, traditions and self-limitations prevent it from emerging. So for that particular group, who knows what erotic hypnosis can do. The place to read up about it is Mind Mistress' Adult Hypnotic Wishes.

Then, there is Mind Mistress' Transformation Castle - a site with lots of useful advice and instruction on how to get going. But what is most interesting for me is that they don’t just leave you with the instructions but provide the necessary props and gear to create a total experience and environment. Hmm...making erotic fantasies come true – still sceptical perhaps but now intrigued and tempted as well.

Missus Singapore out!