BANGING BONES

This is what skeletons get up to when they're hiding in your closet. Now we know why we always hear creaks and mysterious sounds coming from within at night. They scare us so we don't dare open the closet door but really, they just want to scare us so they can mess around. Thanks for the video. You didn't leave your name but I gather you have lots of skeletons in your closet. Happy Saturday y'all!

Missus Singapore out!

BIG POLE

Never ever in any nudist beach have I seen such a pole standing in its full glory. If only. Always an issue with the water and the wind. Which is why I think women ogling is still my favourite pastime when I'm there. The concept of nude beaches belong to women. There is just so much to see in a woman.

Thanks Greg from Long Island. One question, are all guys on Long Island...well...long?

Missus Singapore out!

THE PERILOUS JOURNEY SOUTH

What can been said about cunninglingus that hasn't already been said - except perhaps that many men don't seem to get it, at least the ones I've met. Maybe its just bad luck but its becoming too much of a coincidence for my liking.

Many men say they love to go down on you. And for a young floozy, that may seem like a great proposition but hell, the mature ones know that 'liking to go down' is no certainty that they will know what they are doing once they get there.

While there seems to be a general upward trend of skill with age, by and large, it has escaped most of them. This is one reason why I hate wasting time to get a guy to go down if I know he ain't going to do anything for me.

So what are they doing wrong? Well granted every woman likes it differently, many of my girlfriends seem to agree about several things men are just not doing right.

For a start, they go at it as if there's no tomorrow. I mean the concept of building pace escapes them altogether. We don't just turn on the moment there's contact?

They also don't seem to understand that there are areas that are sensitive where you just don't start nibbling or sloshing your tongue all over. Many guys are too much in a hurry. Are their balls going to explode or something? Take it easy.

Knowing a woman is aroused is also another cue to take as to what you do next. Don't go thrusting your fingers from the onset if you just got down there. Use your tongue to gently explore first - check out the scene - see what's oozing and what's not - probe around a little.

If you are good with one woman, there is no assurance that the next woman will feel the same way. So skill in this sense has to do with how versatile you are.

In the vicinity, there are many other areas that can titillate just as much. For some it's the inner thigh, some around the entrance of the vagina, some along the bikini lines of the pelvis, etc. The main thing is we are all different and sensitive to different stimulus. It's your job to find out. And remember first impressions count. Do it right and heading south will be a welcome feature. Do it wrong and you might never make the journey there ever again.

Missus Singapore out!

FU%K CUPS

These are really great cups to give this Christmas. Good to have at the office too - to throw direct hints to anyone you fancy who is just thick up there.

I once gave a friend a cup which had the words "I'm ready to fuck when I put this cup down'. It had white words against a blood red background. It's the first thing anyone sees when they enter the room. I actually bought two, one for myself as well. However, it broke last year and I've been searching for it online since but with no luck. If you ever find it, give me a shout!



Missus Singapore out!

HEADLINE NEWS!

A single mum with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has finally found a man to keep her satisfied - after she wore out a string of boyfriends.

Michelle Thompson, who suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, thought she would never meet the partner of her dreams. She was just too demanding for all her previous lovers. But she has been with her neighbour Andrew Carr, 32, for six months now - because he's as keen as she is and they make love 10 times a day. You can see Michelle, 43, describe her condition on video by clicking below. She grinned: "Andrew has changed my life. I'm no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms - I've found it.

Michelle added: "Now I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it's not just because of the orgasms." Michelle's rare condition means she always craves sex and can climax at any time anywhere.

She even had to quit a job in a biscuit factory because the machines kept setting her off.

She said: "I know I'm lucky to have so many orgasms when there are women who have never had one. But the condition has ruined my love life."

Michelle's first boyfriend bowed out after a few months saying he couldn't keep up with her demands. And over the years several others gave up - with one telling her he was a man not a machine. She dated one bloke for five years but "by the time we broke up, he was exhausted, he left as a defeated man".

Michelle turned to internet dating but when she told some fellas about her condition they stood her up, frightened they would not have the stamina.

Stallions
She added: "Others thought they were right stallions and I loved wiping the smug grin off their faces and hearing them begging me to stop." Then in May she met Andrew, a divorced industrial cleaner who lives over the road in Nelson, Lancs.

She said: "I did worry that he would grow tired of me like everyone else, but when I told him he laughed and said he would burn me out first.

"I could do it 24 hours a day and so could he. I regularly run across the road to his house to have sex. We have sex at least 10 times every day."

Mum-of-four Michelle went on: "I really love life now. We're planning on moving in together as soon as we can afford to.

"I've been looking for someone like Andrew for a long time, and I finally feel like I'm in heaven."

A News of the World Report, 15/11/2009.

MS: Come on! I could say I have 5,000 orgasms with every twitch I get down there. I doubt she is referring to those earth-shattering ones. Funny how for every real and verified syndrome, there are 50 other syndromes used to hide one's need for sympathy or attention. Anyway, if she had really wanted a solution she should have asked me. Head to China I say! My reasons are best demonstrated by the strip below.

Missus Singapore out!

SIMPLY RI'DICK'CULOUS

Talk about the biggest dick in the world or the biggest dreamer in the world. Either way, I'm sure the crabs crawling under there have something to say about it. Thanks so much Lianne from Chester, England, and I hope you mend things soon. Christmas is a rotten time to be left alone.

Missus Singapore out!

PATH TO PRIAPISM

Priapus was a Greek God who boasted a two-foot long dick that never got flaccid.

No, he wasn't on any sort of rudimentary or medieval treatment for ED. Apparently, he was caught for attempting to rape a colleague (fellow Goddess) and punished by the higher-ups. His sentence - to live the remaining of his life with a big wooden boner.

Now I can understand the need to punish him for his crime but it's the punishment that I can't quite comprehend. Why not just cut the darn thing off or at most give him a tiny wiener that he'll want to hide forever? Instead he gets a big dick! I'm sure many men these days, wooden or not, will kill for it.

But before you head to Greece and try raping someone there, hang on just a bit.
Priapus's punishment is today actually associated with an actual medical condition - priapism - which describes a situation when your dick just won't return to its flaccid state - it's essentially a permanent hard-on! No laughing matter here. It's really considered a medical emergency. I've read several stories about guys ending up in the A&E with a boner. They present to the doctor weak and with extreme dick sensitivity, unable to walk properly and for obvious reasons, pale.

So before you go looking for that elixir of erection, think long and hard about what you're putting yourself or your little wiener through. The best thing to get them dick muscles working and growing is natural exercise - same reason why we work out. On a naive note - fuck more and you'll get a good workout. But honestly, how big do you ever want it to be? When is it ever going to be thick or long enough?

If you want to get laid more, I would go out on a limb to say that you'll have a better chance if you spend time sprucing up your personality and charms. I mean which ultimately gets you into bed with a woman? She would have no idea how hung you are. So once you get her where you want to with your charms, even if you have a tiny wiener, she will most likely just go through the motions. A tad too late to turn back. If she never wants to see you again, at least you'll have another mark of conquest to record in your black book.

Stay safe and stay prapism-free.

Missus Singapore out!

THE UNCANNY LIKENESS OF LIGHT

Not a movie sequel but a significant observation of how making love under the lights or even in the brightness of filtered daylight grows with a person's sexual experience. You start off reaching out, groping and fondling in the darkness of a room or at the back seat of a car. Soon, its a dim bedside lamp and before you know it, you want floodlights and reflecting mirrors all over the place.

I guess as one embraces sex, the visual stimulus grows - you want to see more, you want it to unfold with clarity. In some ways, it seems a little lopsided. I mean as you get older, marks, shape and size intrude much of our consciousness and the less someone sees it (or you for that matter), the better. With young tone, trim and fit bodies - you'll likely want to see more of it.

It's a milestone in your sexuality once the lights come on. You become more daring (probably because you can see what you're doing and what he's doing). It's a rush. It's a thrill. Clearly, it's further proof that most of our sexual ideologies are governed by our instinctive voyeuristic or exhibitionist traits.

Watching porn only does so much but when you get to see yourself and your partner at it, it hits new boundaries of sexual enjoyment. You get to watch your partner's reactions and vice versa and this allows you to fine-tune your skills. It's really a turn on. And if you dress up for the part with some sexy threads, all the better. Why waste good money under the darkness?

Having said that, there are exceptions to the rule. I once had this ex, who was not too bad in bed - in the dark. But when we started doing with a bedside lamp on, it changed things. He had this funny expression on his face each time he came. Prior to that, his moans seemed not out of the ordinary but with his face in view, he really reminded me of a billy goat mating. It was really hard to get over and it still manages to contribute to some of my nightmares. So with advantages, there is always the risk that turning on the lights may put a damper on things.

But if you don't try it, you will never know what thrills you. Go for it and fuck with the lights on for a change.

Missus Singapore out!

THE GRAND OPENING OF THE msSTORE

Today marks another milestone in Missus Singapore's three-and-a-half year existence. Finally, after taking all your recommendations and suggestions, I've opened my very first e-store which encompasses hot sex-related resource products.

You'll find interesting selections of books and DVDs to spice things up, and of course my picks of songs to set the mood or get laid to. I'll be updating them on a regular basis and also adding new ranges of products as we go along.

You can find something for yourself but they will also make naughty and sexy birthday or Xmas gifts for your sexual other half or even close friends you want to surprise. It's all about safe and convenient shopping under one roof, or in this case one site.


You will always find the store site sitting subtly on my sidebar - always there but never in your face!

Thanks to all of you who gave your feedback and guidance. Without your suggestions, I would never have got down to this. Happy Shopping!

Kisses and hugs.
Missus Singapore out!

NOBODY IS A SEX EXPERT

That's probably what makes it so enticing and exciting. The adventure of it all. Anyone can have it if they apply some guile and ingenuity or tact and tease. No one knows all, no one certainly knows enough.

Sex is as vast as the universe - its variety knows no limit. It's a world that sucks you in but yet allows you to take control (unless you're missing a few screws up there) and make choices. There are countless doors to ecstasy, even more doors to fantasy - the only decision is whether we want to open it or not.

No one is an expert when it comes to sex and anyone who says they are, are kidding themselves. At most, they could be considered a sex facilitators.

Think about it. Haven't we visited some site with sex tips, tried them out only to find out later that it simply doesn't do for you or your other half? Take it with a pinch of salt and pepper.

There are numerous circumstances, permutations and situations that are unique to each one of us so much so that any sex tip is always destined not to garner the same results as what you read.

There are five senses. Sex encompasses all of them. For argument sake, let's take the sense of taste. Any spice is always going to taste differently due to our individual preferences. Something delightfully sweet to one person may be too sweet for others to enjoy. A great Chardonnay to me may be a tad to flinty to you.

It's the same with smell, sight, touch and our auditory senses. We haven't even gone into life experiences and the complex mechanisms of the mind. Now you understand why I mentioned permutations. If you equate it, there are countless. Yet, this is merely the tip of the iceberg.

Consider unique circumstances, changing moods, personalities of your partner - all of which may not be the same with the writer's partner.

This is why, I always provide tips with a disclaimer that what may work for me does not necessarily work for you. I stress though on experimentation and using your senses to register how your partner reacts to every new stimulus you introduce and react. Sex tips from anyone should serve more as guidelines. The underlying message is always to be willing to try new things and switch around to newer tricks once the novelty of the old ones die out.

Experimentation is really the essence of sexual fun. It is the sexual journey of discovering - that's where you will find the thrill and joy of sex.

What I noticed about many people is that once they reach the summit - they rarely bother coming down to ground zero and working their way up another summit. This dependence on a successful move for too long promotes over-confidence, feeds ego and sets the to-and-fro pendulum of monotony in motion - the perfect recipe for sexual boredom and disinterest.

I'm definitely no expert when it comes to sex. No one is. No one should claim to be. More experience does not make one an expert here. In fact, the more sexual experience one has picked up, if he or she is honest enough, he or she will admit that it's just an impossible subject to fully master.

It's like looking at a body of water. From afar, you know its deep but it's true depth escapes you until you dive in only to realise that you just can't see the bed. But on that same vein, you can still dive in and enjoy your swim without bothering about how deep it gets.

The full realm of sex is just too complex and deep to fathom in one lifetime. Some say its in the stars, others in the moon but haven't we also come across elements of colour, numbers and zodiac signs depicting how much of a sex animal we are?

When it comes to sex, we are all its students. There are no teachers. Whatever it is, just remember that experimentation is what matters. It's really, in my opinion, the driving force behind sexual pleasure and keeping sexual fires lit.

Fuck already, will you, but keep it safe.

Missus Singapore out!